I’ve had some interesting conversations lately with a few close female friends about their relationships. It’s really obvious to me that in most cases, women are in charge. Men know that when the foot gets put down, the girls get their way.
Maybe it’s not so obvious. The women I’ve spoken to will acknowledge that they’re the boss, but in many ways they don’t want to accept the responsibility. They want equality in their relationship, but they’ve picked partners that they can boss around. Clearly, there’s a disparity between desire and reality.
Ladies, here’s the deal – if you’ve ever heard yourself say that you can get him to do whatever you want, go ahead and assume the boss role. That means you have to accept responsibility for where the relationship goes. He’ll cry, pout, and throw tantrums – these are signs that you’re actually the one in control. He’s acting the same way he did for his mother when she wouldn’t let him have his way, and now you’re gearing up for the mommy role.
Strangely enough, these unequal relationships can be balanced. Of course, the women I’m referring to all have men who think that they’re the boss, because they have penises. Their women will get them stuff, cook them tasty business, fix them drinks, and clean the house. You want to be in charge? Awesome. All I have to do is take out the trash and say “yes dear” to your requests, and you’ll feed me and we’ll have sex? Fantastic.
I think there’s a certain stage in a serious relationship where people (especially women) are forced to look at their role, and realize who they’re really with. It’s like when you reach the time in your life when you realize that your parents aren’t the mega-icons of your childhood – they’re just flawed humans like the rest of us.
When you wake up to the fact that you’re actually in control of your own relationship, step into the role, take charge, and enjoy it.
visions of green 
December 5, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Is the description whereby the woman does a lot of work and the man carries garbage, says “Yes dear” and has an erection an example of a balanced relationship/power dynamic? It’s not entirely clear in your writing whether that account is given an example of balance, or the opposite thereof. It sure doesn’t seem awfully balanced, but there is a distinction between balance of labor and balance of power. That said, I’d be damn lucky to find myself with a woman willing to do all that labor you outline. I’d “Yes dear” myself all the way to bed every night, power be damned! But I’m sure you didn’t write this for dickhead men like myself.
December 9, 2008 at 4:54 am
It’s great that you say that it’s not clear if my writing paints “an example of balance, or the opposite thereof.” My goal was to showcase a paradox, like the fact that the opposite of balance is actually balance – if you turn a fulcrum (teeter-totter) 180 degrees, it still functions as a fulcrum. It was definitely to demonstrate the division between the balances power and labor – one who has all the power rarely performs all the labor, if ever. And yes, I wrote this just for dickhead men like you.